Why Phone Calls Can be Incredibly Difficult for Autistic People and People with Anxiety
The sound of the phone ringing can immediately evoke anxiety for some people, especially for autistic people and people with anxiety. If the call hasn’t been agreed in advance, many of us find ourselves simply unable to answer it and let it go to voicemail. Why is this?
Phone calls are unpredictable. When you answer the phone, you have no idea what the other person wants to discuss. There is no time to prepare like if someone asks you to come to their office for a chat, or to call at a specific time. This is anxiety-provoking.
A phone call changes your expected plan. I like to know what I am doing and when. If I have planned to spend the next half an hour doing a specific task, to have that suddenly interrupted can be overwhelming, because now I have to replan my time.
It takes time to transition my focus from one thing to another. Phone calls are instant. You have less than 10 seconds to answer. In that time I have to force myself to transition my thoughts and energy to what my brain is now forced to focus on. This takes a lot of energy.
Phone calls interrupt what I am doing. If I am deeply engrossed in a task, especially if it is related to my special interest, when I answer the phone it may be impossible for me to focus on what it is they are saying. As a result my replies may not be as coherent or valid.
It can take us longer to process certain things on the phone. I can’t see your body language. It is even harder than normal for me to interpret what you mean, especially when you refuse to say exactly what you mean and instead confound your speech with metaphors and sarcasm.
Many rely on lip reading. Lip reading helps me to process what is being said quicker. I don’t know why, but my processing ability seems to be at a slower speed than many neurotypical’s. Lip reading is hugely beneficial with this and obviously this isn’t present on a phone.
It is even harder than normal to gauge social cues. Knowing when it is my turn to speak in conversation is even harder on the phone. I have to be super careful not to interrupt by accident, speak for the acceptable length of time and ensure my words are appropriate.
On phone calls there is no time to prepare responses. Often I need longer to process what you’ve said and formulate a response. Face to face this is easier for the other person to understand. On the phone I may feel rushed, so say things I don’t mean, or not explain properly.
As a result of not being able to think things through, I may feel pressured into saying ‘yes’ to everything asked of me, due to a desire to please. Afterwards I may realise this is not something I can cope with, and then panic because I have already agreed to it.
Phone calls can be more intense. Many find silence less comfortable on the phone. There is no normal environmental distractions which may provide a few moments relief. If there are distractions, the other person can’t see or hear them, so we have to focus even harder.
These are just a few of the reasons why many autistic people and people with anxiety struggle with phone calls. Some things that can be helpful are asking when is a good time to call, preparing the other person as to what the topic is and planning a time in advance.
Additionally, offer other means of communication which the person may find more comfortable, such as emails. Some may find video calls easier. Or even simple adjustments like having discussions on the phone, but allowing time afterwards to think and being able to email decisions afterwards.
