Symptoms of Depression That No One Talks About
Complete mental exhaustion from fighting your brain constantly. This can lead to a lack of concentration, forgetfulness, chronic fatigue, missing deadlines, withdrawing from socialising, insomnia and a higher susceptibility to physical illness.
Dissociation. Feeling like you’re moving through life but aren’t really there. Things just happen around you but they don’t feel real. Feeling detached from your body. Feeling like you’re watching yourself from the outside. Feeling disconnected and numb. Nothing feels real.
Just the thought of living seems impossible. It takes a huge amount of physical energy and mental effort to get through each day, so just waking up in the morning and being faced with yet another day feels soul-destroying.
Engaging in behaviour which isn’t obviously self-destructive but long-term may be. For example, drinking too much too often, putting yourself in unsafe situations, having unprotected sex, spending a lot of money and making impulsive decisions.
The physical effects of depression. Stomach pain. Throbbing headaches. Lack of appetite. Missing your period. Constipation/diarrhoea. Chronic fatigue. Nausea. Weight gain or weight loss. Every part of your body aching. Insomnia.
An overwhelming sense of shame. This may be from feeling judged by other people, from not being able to accomplish the things you normally can, from struggling with personal hygiene or keeping your environment tidy, or from feeling like a failure.
Feeling unable to concentrate on anything so you just lie on your bed or scrolling through social media because you can’t concentrate, willing the hours to go past quickly so the day can end.
Guilt. Perhaps this is from struggling to keep up with other people’s demands or expectations of you, or feeling like you are letting other people down by cancelling on them or not being able to do what you said you would.
Feeling like you have to pretend everything is fine. Getting dressed up, doing your hair and makeup and going out, smiling, acting like nothing is wrong. Someone asking you if you’re okay and you saying “I’m fine”, because what else can you say?
Knowing that you’re back in that place again, but not knowing how you can possibly change that. Knowing what helps you feel better but not having the energy to be able to do those things.
An inability to even think about the future, let alone plan for it. Perhaps you are now living in the future you didn’t think would ever exist, and that makes everything feel unreal. Perhaps you can’t see yourself making it another day, so planning ahead seems impossible.
Your room or house getting disgustingly messy because you don’t have the energy to make you bed let alone empty the bins.
Anger at yourself. Because you feel like you’re wasting valuable time. Because you want to be able to fix things but can’t. Because you can’t explain to someone else why you’re feeling the way you are. Because you feel like your progress has all gone and you are back to square one.
If you are struggling, remember you are never alone.
For support, contact: NHS, Samaritans, Mind, The Mix (under 25’s), Papyrus/HopeLine (under 35’s), Shout, CALM.