Some people love Christmas and some people hate it. I imagine most of us who celebrate fall somewhere in the middle. There have been Christmases where I’ve felt so excited and full of joy. There was also a Christmas when I lay on the sofa in another room, too low to join in with my family playing games. And another where I felt so overwhelmed that I hid in my room under my weighted blanket. Usually though, each Christmas is filled with a fluctuation of different emotions - some that feel great and some that are to cope with.

Christmas can be hard for different people for different reasons. It can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, grief or low mood. Everything at Christmas time seems to feel more intense - whether that’s good stuff or hard stuff.

What can be challenging for autistic people at Christmas?

Changes in Routine

Autistic people’s brains tend to require predictability, structure and routine. Christmas day, Christmas week and even the lead up to Christmas brings change - time off work/school, new activities, different expectations, a cease of normal activities, and change to the daily routine. It’s a lot for our brain to process.

As a child, I struggled with the class routine changing - I didn’t want to watch a film in class or sing in the carol concert or create decorations because this differed from the usual routine. Advance notice and information about what to expect would have helped. At least now I’m an adult, I have more control over my day and can advocate for my needs better than when I was younger.

What might help:

create a plan/schedule/timetable for Christmas week
use visual aids like calendars, whiteboards & lists
share the plan with your loved ones (or create it in conjunction with them!)
incorporate normal routines where possible
ensure there is time to decompress in your routine
adjust expectations - you don’t have to do everything

Sensory Overwhelm

There is a lot more sensory stuff at Christmas time - bright lights, loud music, strong smells, new tastes and expectations to wear different clothing. Autistic people’s brains process more information at once than non-autistic brains and we struggle to filter out unnecessary sensory information, meaning that we can feel easily overwhelmed.

What might help:

consider your sensory needs in different environments
use noise cancelling headphones/earplugs (I love my Loop earplugs)
utilise fidget toys or calming techniques
adjust expectations - it’s ok to say no
stick to your safe foods if needed
take regular breaks in quiet spaces

More Socialising/Increased Demands

Socialising can take a lot out of us. There is information to process, social expectations to try to adhere to, unwritten social rules we’re trying to figure out, social scripts to remember, and an (often) overwhelming environment to try to navigate. At Christmas we tend to be expected to join in with more events/activities than usual.

What might help:

identify and discuss your triggers with a safe person beforehand
say no to things you don’t feel comfortable with
plan time to engage with your special interests before/after events
take time out at gatherings e.g. jigsawing or reading
leave early if you need (or want) to
adjust expectations - it’s ok to not do what everyone else is

Alternatively, you may feel lonely and like you haven’t been invited to anything. I want you to know that you are not alone. 92% of people that Rethink Mental Illness spoke to reported finding Christmas stressful and triggering - they talk about loneliness here. If you feel up to it, have a look at what is going on in your community on local Facebook pages, or join in with discussions online. #NotAloneTalk runs every night at 8pm over on Bluesky and you would be welcome to join in. Here are Mind’s useful contacts if you’re struggling.

Some adjustments can be harder to implement if people around you don’t understand your (or your child’s) needs. Hopefully they will be open to a conversation about what you or your child finds difficult and what you think might help. If not, this a great article by Chris Bonnello (Autistic Not Weird) on ‘What to do when your family doesn’t accept autism’.

Ultimately though, your needs matter and you deserve to enjoy Christmas your own way, even if that differs from other people’s ideas and expectations.

Remember…

You don’t have to do what everyone else is doing.

You are allowed to say no (and you don’t have to be at breaking point to).

Be kind to yourself.

Routine and normality will return soon.

Helpful Guides: